I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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