Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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