Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Non-Jews are for practice
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize