I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
