k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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