I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want nice things and good sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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