im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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