I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize