just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
