The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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