You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
