we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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