Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
