tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
