i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
