Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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