She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
