My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize