oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
