Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i think i just lost a toe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize