dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
