You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
be right there i have to get my cape
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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