Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
