did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
