I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
