R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
