So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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