I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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