how can u be prego again
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
