I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
