I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Green mimosas i think yes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
