If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
