You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
