Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
