The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
