cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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