he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think your dad took our porno
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
