I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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