I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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