Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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