Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
