CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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