Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
