Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
