She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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