A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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