is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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