just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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