You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
