maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
