The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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