Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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