Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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