If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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