I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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