I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
