In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
