I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
