I want to have your abortion
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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