I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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