Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We have started to decorate penises.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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