I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
