it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
