where am i from again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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