i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
