I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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