I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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