There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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