I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
