If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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