used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the raccoons are back...
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