The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
