I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this just has baby written all over it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
