I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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