Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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