whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
